Uncovering the Jewels Within | Arlene Cohen Miller

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep41

In this episode, Sam Horton interviews Arlene Miller, a former attorney who transformed her career to become a work life balance and transformational mentor. 

Arlene, the founder of Jewel Consultancy, shares her inspiring journey of self-discovery, emphasizing how every woman holds a unique, multifaceted “jewel” within. 

Arlene explains the power of transforming one’s inner critic into a supportive inner coach to unlock new levels of personal growth. 

Key Takeaways:

• Career Transformation: Arlene transitioned from a demanding legal career to a coaching practice that empowers women to balance work and life.
• Jewel Consultancy Philosophy: The name reflects the idea that every individual has multiple facets that come together as a unique, valuable whole.
• Overcoming Self-Doubt: She highlights the importance of replacing the inner critic with an inner coach to nurture self-compassion and confidence.
• Embracing Creativity: Creativity in various forms—from art to spending time in nature—is essential for adding vibrancy and balance to life.
• Personal Growth Through Adversity: Arlene shares how her personal challenges, including motherhood and divorce, fueled her journey towards healing and growth.

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep41

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Transcript

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YouTube Ep 41 - Soul-led Creative Women - Arelene Miller
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[00:00:00] Sam Horton: So today I have Arlene Cohen Miller with me. Arlene is a work life balance coach who brings a wealth of training and experience to help women compassionately and wholeheartedly lead themselves and create the life they desire, a life that works and feels right to them.

[00:00:17] Her coaching practice is aptly named Jewel Consultancy, supporting women to polish the jewel within. So welcome Arlene. Thank you for having me. So, as I just mentioned, your coaching business is, called Jewel Consultancy, so please tell us about your story and how this name came to be.

[00:00:40] Arlene Miller: Well, I love jewel because a jewel is like a diamond and there's so many different facets and they all come together as one, but we all have so many different facets of ourselves and different facets of our business and our lives. But it really all comes together as one whole is not separate. And I just love that feeling, you know, because we have a business life, a social life, a work life, [00:01:00] we have all kinds of things that come together, we have kids, we have grandkids, whatever is going on in our life and other interests, but they're, they're not all separate.

[00:01:07] They're all sort of come together as one. And, I don't know, the name just came to me and I'm like jewel consultancy. So I just, I just liked it wasn't like a big thing thing, but like, this really does apply to me and apply to the people that I work with. And, as far as what I do now, it's been kind of a Uh, an interesting journey.

[00:01:28] When I was 15, I decided I wanted to be an attorney and I am an attorney still. I'm still licensed to practice law in Colorado where I live in the United States. I don't really actively practice anymore, but I've had two businesses. One is a solo practitioner in the Midwest of the U. S. and one is in a partnership in a small law firm in Colorado where I live now and about six years before we sold the second business.

[00:01:52] I got a diploma in coaching and mentoring. I got these off from Australia. and then, a diploma in transformational holistic counseling and [00:02:00] certification in meditation. And I used it in my law practice. I was the person who did a lot of the negotiating of settlements and I was in charge of a lot of the marketing.

[00:02:10] And I had, my son was in high school by then. And I had several people that worked for us and it just felt like. my communication and negotiation skills could take a big upgrade and it did help an awful lot. And then I just really got tired of being an attorney. It's pretty demanding, you know, that you can never walk away from.

[00:02:28] If you go on a holiday or working vacation or whatever, it's there when you come back and it's, So I really, I love coaching and mentoring and I feel like I can make a real difference there, but it's more that I can be anywhere in the world and give back and be of service and not be tied down to, to one place.

[00:02:48] So yeah, and I really love giving back to women because when I started my first law firm, I found out I was pregnant like right away. And all of our family was in another part of the U [00:03:00] S. And we hadn't been in the Midwest for very long, didn't have a tribe around me, didn't have anything. There weren't any coaches like what I am now.

[00:03:09] And so it was like, I had to build a tribe all on my own. And I really wish that I'd had a coach like what I do. So I guess that's how I sort of like evolved into doing this because I really feel strongly about giving back. It was a really rough road to begin with, you know, it's like, what do I do? How do I run a business?

[00:03:28] Have a kid? 

[00:03:29] my ex was, working like 70 hours a week. He was in this big training program. And so, yeah, that's why I ended up being a work life balance and harmony coach for women. And I do transformational mentoring for both men and women, but, 

[00:03:43] women are my passion. 

[00:03:44] Sam Horton: Sure. And so what would you say then that your, your own jewel is in terms of what you've discovered about yourself and the things hidden within you on, you know, along your journey?

[00:03:56] Arlene Miller: I think we all have jewels that sort of come out more and more as we move [00:04:00] along. I found as I've gotten older, I, uh, about a year ago, I joined the Colorado Women's Bar Association. I'm the only grandmother there. I don't care. And I just feel like I'm a mentor automatically and I'm on some committees for all the women there.

[00:04:14] You know, they're professionals and they, some have kids, some don't. But it's a very stressful business to be in and just to be a part of their lives. To me, it is like coming full circle and giving back it's that's the jewel within now when I was younger it was, I don't know just just bonding with other women and and figuring out how to do what I needed to do to be a mother.

[00:04:36] And a working woman and do, do be decent at both of them, you know, and not be so hard on myself and, and get enough sleep and find ways to take care of myself so wasn't letting everything go. Until I was older I don't know if I'm answering your question but I guess also the jewel within it is. It's who we are, you know, I think as women, we can be really too hard on ourselves.[00:05:00] 

[00:05:00] So when we are honoring, you know, who we are and the gifts that we bring, and we're not cutting ourselves down because we're not enough here, we're not enough there. I think that's just really important too. 

[00:05:16] Sam Horton: And, you know, like you said, it takes a while sometimes for these things to come to the surface, right?

[00:05:20] For you to find them, what do you believe blocks us from tuning into, you know, all of that, you know, hidden gold within us, you know, when we, when we do eventually sort of learn how to connect with ourselves within and become our true selves? What blocks us from doing that, do you think?

[00:05:38] Arlene Miller: Well, some women have imposter syndrome and I had that a lot when I was a young attorney, you know, I really don't feel that anymore, but I think there's so many, impressions that we get from being in society where, whether we're a mother or not a mother, whether we work or we don't work, you know, all the different hats that we can have.

[00:05:56] And there's, there's opinions about all of it. And [00:06:00] it can be, it can be really oppressive. And so just to be able to go, you know, Other people's opinions are none of my business and to really look and pay what do I want to bring to the world and how do I want to do it and keep on nurturing that it just took a long time for me to sort of settle into that and go, you know, I'm not a perfect.

[00:06:20] I'm doing the best I can. And And stop putting all these expectations on myself. It took a while for that to evolve. And I can remember as a young attorney, I mean, it's kind of funny when I look back, but even the, the clothes that I wore, you know, with the big bows and it felt like I was, they were like women's clothes, but they were really men's clothes that they adjusted, you know, cause I was so pretty.

[00:06:42] There weren't that many attorneys when I first started practicing it's women. I mean, so I guess that's sort of the evolution process. 

[00:06:50] Sam Horton: Yeah. And, you know, you've got to cultivate, you know, those parts of yourself that, you know, are the jewels. So how, how do you think you go about, you know, [00:07:00] polishing those jewels to use the jewel analogy again?

[00:07:03] You know, how do, what, what processes or tools can we use to, you know, really, dive into that, you know, and, and harness our unique talents and gifts? 

[00:07:13] Arlene Miller: one of the things I really think that's important that is that, I mean, I know that I can get these voices in my head, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, see inner critic, or I call it kind of my negative ego.

[00:07:24] And we need to really cultivate that, that inner coach. And one of the ways that we can do that, I think that's really important is I think, especially as women that we have this ability to nurture to care for sort of, I mean, we give birth to babies, we're sort of, it's sort of a part of who we are. And, to use that.

[00:07:41] And oftentimes, like if you came to me and you were telling me all this stuff, like I talked, I used to talk to myself and I would listen to you. I would have the ability to, you know, to support you, to nurture you, to uplift you, to champion you. If you sort of had your head up a dark place, I might have the ability.

[00:07:57] I would have the ability to, [00:08:00] maybe some tough deliver some tough love. So you could sort of get out of that place, step forward and be more of your best self. And so what I like to help women do, one of the things is just. Turn that around, you know, and give it to ourselves and not feel like, you know, imposter syndrome or that it's weird and, and, and just, you know, let people know that practice makes permanent.

[00:08:21] And the more that we practice these gifts of nurturing and supporting and championing ourselves, the clearer and the brighter that we're going to be. And so that's one of the things that I love to help. Women, I help men do it too, but especially women stop that inner critic stuff. Stop all that putting down stuff, stop taking it on from society stuff, no matter what we're doing and, and really apply that inner coach so that, that, the jewels within can come out and we can actually be of service more and more, be more of our best selves.

[00:08:55] Sam Horton: Mm. And so, how do we do that then? how do we turn that [00:09:00] inner critic into the inner coach? You know, it's a really powerful concept. I really like it, but how, how do we go on that journey? Because obviously, we've listened to the inner critic for a long, long time until we get to this point where we've had enough.

[00:09:14] so it's a bit of a journey. 

[00:09:15] Arlene Miller: It is a big of a journey. In the first part, I was really, you know, just starting with knowing that stop putting ourselves down and think it's something new that we need to learn. We already had that ability. You know, whether we're a mother or not, a sister or, a cousin or whatever we are, we, we've, if we've been alive a while, we, we had that ability to give that to other people.

[00:09:37] So when we turn around and start practicing with ourselves, it can begin to turn around. And for me, I guess the way it's, I started nurturing it. I got divorced when my son was almost three, he developed ADHD. And so. I was a mother. I was a working mother. I needed to take care of him. My ex was still working a lot.

[00:09:58] He was, he was, by [00:10:00] then he had, he was a doctor. He finished his residency, but, you know, he was just working all the time. And so I had to figure out a way, you know, how do I take care of this kid? So that he can function in the world, and do what I do. And so I went on this sort of journey of healing myself within.

[00:10:17] I learned a bunch of healing modalities. I studied all kinds of things. I took them to all different kinds of people because I didn't want to put them straight away on drugs or anything. And I think sometimes we just, the journey hits us. You know, it's like, I need to do something here, but you know, I guess I, I, what I always share is that I thought I was doing things to heal him.

[00:10:36] I actually was doing things to heal myself. And I think that happens to all of us if we're really open, just doing two things a new way. And then we know that. Some of the ways we're doing just aren't working, you know, because I was really noticing by that time that the way I talked to my women friends or my professional people that I was meeting professionally.

[00:10:56] And I had this thing that felt like it [00:11:00] was coming from inside of me where the way that we connect was we complained to each other and told the things that were quote bad about our lives. And somehow I thought that connected me with other women. 

[00:11:10] But really it just tore us both down and really sort of learning in that process that that just wasn't a very healthy way to be and to let that stuff go.

[00:11:18] But it was really a process over a bunch of years, you know, he does really well now he has his own son, but I mean, for, for a long time I was like, Oh my God, is this kid ever going to graduate from high school and if he can't go to college, will he ever be on his own? It just, it was a huge journey. And within that, there was a lot of learning and growth because I had to grow up.

[00:11:38] You know, a lot more than, than I ever thought I would, would, you know, it's interesting what, what presents in our life where we really have to turn things around and start to do things differently. 

[00:11:50] Sam Horton: Yeah, sure. Sure. I mean, kids are our biggest teachers though, right? So, uh, it makes sense, that that's a big part of your journey.

[00:11:57] So just sort of, You know, flipping things, [00:12:00] around a little bit here. So what, what role do you think creativity plays in understanding and embracing, you know, our unique inner jewels? 

[00:12:10] Arlene Miller: I think creativity plays a big role. I love creativity. I mean, whether we are, you know, have friends who are creative in all different ways, you know, whether it's like cooking or music or getting out in nature or whatever it is that floats your boat that sort of makes your heart sing, that creativity is like, Otherwise, life is kind of dry.

[00:12:30] You know, you do this, you do this, you do this, but the creativity is part of the spark within that we bring to the work that we do. And when we bring that so much comes out, you know, whether it's acting, I mean, there's so many ways that we can be be creative. And I think our children really help us to be creative.

[00:12:46] We have to be creative to help them to, you know, to find their own path to move forward and stuff like that. I mean, I remember when my son was young, I got him in all different sports and karate and, and eventually he ended up liking karate and [00:13:00] chess, but I tried a whole bunch of different things that were creative venues.

[00:13:03] And on that road, I was like, Oh, I think I'll try some more creative things for myself. Just because it just seems to open up your heart. So God, if you're not creative, that just seems like you'd be a really kind of a boring, dry kind of lifeless life. It adds a lot of flavor. 

[00:13:21] Sam Horton: And what lights you up creatively?

[00:13:23] What, do you really enjoy doing? 

[00:13:26] Arlene Miller: Well, When I was younger, I played the guitar. I haven't done that in years. And for a while when I got divorced, I learned how to paint. And, you know, when we separated, I just painted and pebbled. I still have a lot of my paintings around the house that just sort of lit up, you know, who I was now.

[00:13:43] And so that was another phase I went through. Now it just feels like I don't know if it's creativity, but let's getting out in nature. I live in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in the United States and just get out in the mountains or music, you know, just to sing along and dance along with music.[00:14:00] 

[00:14:01] And those are the, some of the things, some of the things that I do just to add more flavor and color in my life. But I don't think it matters. It's like whatever feels right for you. 

[00:14:13] Sam Horton: And, you know, how do you think that, embracing, you know, our unique gifts, you know, going back to the jewel concept again, how, how does that really help us cultivate a life that we love?

[00:14:23] Do you think? 

[00:14:25] Arlene Miller: Well, I think first of all, we have to acknowledge what our gifts are. 

[00:14:29] Sam Horton: I 

[00:14:29] Arlene Miller: think a lot of times we have these gifts and then they're just so much a part of who we are. It's just like, Oh, that's nothing. Well, a lot of the gifts that my friends have, it's like, that's something that's not, that's not a talent that I have.

[00:14:41] And so I really feel it's really important to acknowledge and celebrate the things that are easy for us that, that we use in our business, that we use in our life.that make us unique that help our business to grow and to be that special flavor that we bring, you know, there's a lot of people out [00:15:00] there that do podcasts, or there's a lot of people that are attorneys are a lot of people that are coaches, but we all have these special unique gifts that we bring to the process.

[00:15:09] That may be our special gift like for me, it feels like one of my gifts is just I've learned and I'm, I'm good at like holding this huge judgment free unconditionally loving space for the people that I work with. And a lot of people who are coaches. Not everybody, but some of them are really heady, and I find it really difficult to relate to them, especially because I used to be that way in the beginning when I was just an attorney when I was much younger.

[00:15:35] And, so we all have these special gifts and talents that we bring to whatever we love to do. And when we acknowledge them, we celebrate them and we just allow it to blossom and grow and be a part of our lives. Yes. I don't know, it just, it opens up everything. 

[00:15:53] Sam Horton: Mm hmm. And so, you know, what does your own, personal self care routine look like?

[00:15:59] How do [00:16:00] you care for yourself and stay in check with, you know, honoring your unique gifts so that you can keep living a fabulous life? 

[00:16:09] Arlene Miller: well, I want to, I guess I was one of the people that broke the mold earlier because I could really feel the, the projections, you know, that when you're a mother you And you're not working.

[00:16:18] Everything goes into your kids. And I just felt really young that I couldn't do that. You know, I, if I didn't take care of myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, you know, I was going to be a dry well, and I wasn't going to be able to be the kind of mother that I wanted to be. So when I was younger, I was a runner and I like, I paired up with other women that were, had young kids.

[00:16:41] It's and we drop our kids off at the, you know, the athletic facility for 45 minutes, we go out for a run. And it was just like, it was like my, cleanser for the day. Now I really love yoga and, uh, that's the cleanser. I mean, I don't have to take care of, I just have [00:17:00] grandkids, which is a totally different deal than having kids all the time.

[00:17:03] But I also have always really paid attention to what I put in my body. I've had, well, I have a bad sweet tooth and I've had to give up sweets because I had all this digestive issues that happened and you know, in order to live, I had to give up, give it up. So I don't know. I've just always found ways to take care of myself.

[00:17:24] I always have found like naturopaths and homeopaths to work with because, I only go to Western medicine when I've needed it. I've needed surgery a few times and yes, you need it then, but I'd rather find, you know, those kinds of natural ways without pesticides and all kinds of. They put on food nowadays to take care of myself and I also have more of a spiritual practice where I work with affirmations I work with meditation I work with mindfulness to keep myself sane.

[00:17:55] And I feel like all those kind of Things don't really have to take up that much time, [00:18:00] but they really give us like this new lease on life so that we don't, so that our cup of love, I feel like there's, I visualize it as a couple of love that just filled up and the overflow is what I share with other people.

[00:18:13] Because if, if we're, if, you know, if I'm a coach or if I'm an attorney or whatever hat we're wearing, you know, or a podcaster like you are, we give a lot. But if we just give and give and give, we're going to get the wells going to be dry. And then the women that I work with, you know, they get, you know, maybe they just get totally worn out.

[00:18:32] They get angry and frustrated and they judge themselves for being angry and frustrated and they go around this cycle of over giving again, and it goes into this vicious cycle. So I really think to be a better giver, we really have to fill our own cup with love and all those different areas. We feel better.

[00:18:49] People around us are more grateful because we don't have these little pollutant things where we have meltdowns like I used to do. I just feel like it's a kind thing to do for everyone all around. [00:19:00] 

[00:19:02] Sam Horton: So powerful. So for all the women out there who want to uncover their own unique inner jewels, what powerful questions would you have them ask themselves today?

[00:19:14] Arlene Miller: Um, I don't know, I can't say tell you some of the questions I asked myself, hopefully it's not too woo woo, but I just like, like what would love do now, how may I best serve. So, instead of having like a five year plan. What I kind of like to visualize is that we've gotten this far and we're standing on the top of this beautiful cliff and we need to first of all, take a moment just acknowledge how far we've come, what we've left what we've left go that doesn't work for us.

[00:19:41] There's this beautiful vista in front of us. We don't know where to from here. And it looks like there's like this big cliff that goes down that we could fall into the abyss if we step off this cliff. But the bottom line is, is that I really feel that spirit, love, God, whatever you want to call it. If we just take a step off the cliff, we're going to, a rock's going to get under our foot.

[00:19:59] We're going to be [00:20:00] supported. And we sort of take that step and we feel, okay, how does that feel? Okay. And where do I want to go from here? We take another step when we 

[00:20:08] Sam Horton: take 

[00:20:08] Arlene Miller: pause and we feel that we sort of see where that is. And if we take one small step at a time and and not have to go in just one straight place, maybe it's going to be kind of a windy path, but we're feeling our way through it.

[00:20:21] And we're acknowledging ourselves and celebrating ourselves each step along the way, we're going to be really surprised. How far we go along, you know, in one year, instead of like thinking, Oh my God, I have to have a five year plan. Now, I don't have a five year plan. Now I'm a failure because it's really hard.

[00:20:38] Sometimes you just don't know where things are going to lead, but you know what you're passionate about. So, you know, just start by giving it a go. 

[00:20:46] Sam Horton: Yeah. And I think what you just said there is particularly true when you're facing challenges or you feel stuck, or you've got to make a decision, you know, because stepping into the unknown, which is I think what you [00:21:00] described, very,in a very visual way, it is kind of, you know, what you need to do to get unstuck sometimes and to move through the challenge, right?

[00:21:09] Because we don't have to have it all figured out, before we start the journey. 

[00:21:14] Arlene Miller: Yeah, I think we, we put too much pressure on ourselves and too many expectations to think that that's the way it needs to be done. And, All we do then is like contract 

[00:21:25] Sam Horton: and 

[00:21:25] Arlene Miller: maybe fall into a deep dark hole versus expanding out and going, okay, I don't have to know everything.

[00:21:30] I know what I, what I feel and I'm just going to give it a go step by step. 

[00:21:36] Sam Horton: And I think, you know, it is important to have some kind of intention or some kind of vision for where you want to end up, but it doesn't have to be clear. Right. It can be more of like, you want to feel different. I just want to feel.

[00:21:49] X, Y, Z, rather than, you know, having it all figured out. 

[00:21:55] Arlene Miller: Yeah. The way I sort of look at it and the way I work with people is that feeling is healing. It's really important to [00:22:00] feel our feelings. But if those feelings are not quote good feelings, we don't want to dive into a deep, dark hole. We always want to know in our heart of hearts, what we're aligned to, what we're moving towards is not maybe just one thing, maybe it's like a group of things and, and that's where the heart is.

[00:22:15] And that's what we're, that's what we're always aiming for. Sort of like working with the law of attraction while at the same time, not like pushing our feelings into our bodies or sort of out into our org field, we're actually feeling them and letting them move through. But at the same time, this is, this is where I'm going.

[00:22:31] Sam Horton: Yeah. Perfect. Yeah. Love that. So how can people get to know you better, Arlene, and get a real feel for the work that you're doing? 

[00:22:39] Arlene Miller: Well, you can come to my website. And my website is jewel consultancy. com. What if you're in Australia, wherever you are listening to this podcast, I also do offer, a little bit of a freebie for people who find me through these podcasts.

[00:22:55] They just have to mention your name and your podcast. When they reach out to me, if you're in the States or [00:23:00] And, uh, you can always text me at 720 936 2634, my email's on my website, but what I offer people is like what I call a mini soul reading. So I do coaching, I do mentoring, soul readings is a part of, the mentoring that I do, which is like a heart connect with someone and sort of tell you opportunities that are available, challenges that you have, how to move through them, but it'll just be like a little mini thing.

[00:23:24] I'll leave my little gift to you. So if. You would like that. You can contact me and I'm happy to set that up with you. 

[00:23:33] Sam Horton: Excellent. Thank you so much for coming and talking to me today, Arlene. I really enjoyed our conversation. Thank you so much. Well, thank you for having me.