Become the CREATOR of your art and your life | Amy L. Bernstein

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep34

In this episode of Soul-Led Creative Women, host Sam Horton interviews Amy L. Bernstein, author of Wrangling the Doubt Monster: Fighting Fears, Finding Inspiration. 

Amy shares her transformative journey from a professional writer to fully embracing her identity as a creative and empowering others to do the same. Through her honest reflections, Amy discusses the importance of stepping into your creative identity, navigating self-doubt, and embracing small, deliberate changes to live a more creatively fulfilling life.

The conversation dives into key themes like overcoming societal pressures, reframing creativity as a form of self-care, and permitting yourself to dream big. 

Amy emphasizes the value of small steps, the power of reconnecting with childhood creativity, and the liberating process of creating for its own sake.

Key Takeaways:

• Embracing Creativity and Identity
• Overcoming Fear and Self-Doubt
• The Power of Permission and Play
• Reframing Creativity as Self-Care
• Navigating Change
• Redefining Success

FOR EPISODE LINKS & MORE INFO VISIT: https://samhorton.co/blog/ep34

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing Amy L. Bernstein
• 1:38 Amy's creative journey & struggles
• 5:15 Leaning into the whisper to be creative
• 7:38 Learning to embrace the unknown & take risks
• 10:47 What holds people back from becoming the Creator of your life
• 12:12 Start small towards your big vision
• 14:49 Does everyone has an 'Artist' within them?
• 16:35 Giving yourself persmission to create just to create
• 17:03 Finding true life balance
• 18:32 Problems with claiming the 'Artist' title
• 21:12 The unhelpful glamorisation of creative success
• 24:46 Where do art and creativity sit in the balance of life?
• 27:00 Redefining productivity
• 28:35 Amy's views on creativity for personal transformation
• 31:05 Self care within a creative life
• 34:48 Questions to ask yourself to step into your power as the Creator of your life
• 36:10 Connect with Amy L. Bernstein

Transcript

Ep34: Soul-led Creative Women
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[00:00:00] 

Sam Horton: so today I have Amy Bernstein with me. Amy L. Bernstein is the author, most recently, of Wrangling the Doubt Monster, Fighting Fears, Finding Inspiration, a book that will inspire self doubting writers and artists. She is an award winning novelist writing across multiple genres, a former journalist, and a certified non fiction book coach helping authors find their best path to publishing.

Amy teaches a variety of writing workshops and is a frequent guest on podcasts to discuss writing, publishing, and creativity. So welcome Amy. 

Amy L Bernstein: Thank you, Samantha. I'm really glad to be here with you today. 

Sam Horton: So today we're going to be talking all about stepping into your power as a creator in life and art.

So to kick off, Why don't you share us, share with us a little bit about your creative journey. Tell us about your relationship with creativity and the key milestones that got you where you are today. 

Amy L Bernstein: [00:01:00] Sure. Well, one small key to all of it that I love to share is that I made my living basically as a writer using words, putting words in one form or another for decades.

And I didn't call myself a writer until I was Well past 50. And what is that about? That is about somehow. Being afraid to sort of step into your own creative identity, feeling that somehow being a writer was something that other people did who were sort of better than I was. But, listen, I did it all professionally.

I was a journalist working in print and working in public radio. I've been an executive speech writer. I've been, I've worked in government communications. I've been a playwright, a novelist, an essayist. I've got this non fiction book coming out. Why, why did I hesitate? To apply the word writer to myself, and that's something I've looked back on a lot and thought a great deal about.

And I do think that we live in [00:02:00] cultures that make it very, difficult, and sometimes it feels treacherous and scary to embrace a creative identity when the world often wants us to be something else productive and, you know, stick to the knitting and go do your job. And these other things sometimes feel like they're off limits or that you don't have permission to do them.

So, in my own life, you know, I was making my living in all these ways, writing professionally and sometimes, you know, dry kinds of things, government communications and this kind of thing. And I reached a point where I basically said to myself, this is not enough. My soul is not being fed. And I've got to find another way to live the rest of my life.

And I took a hard look at how I would make a kind of a pivot. And I did not do it all at once. I did not get clear about it all at once. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to step toward. I just knew that I was going to step toward [00:03:00] somehow being a more creatively engaged person. And as I went through all of that, I had this incredible moment where I was going to take the train to my job in Washington, D.

C. And I was standing on the commuter rail platform, which would whisk me down to work, and I looked across the platform, because on the other side of the same platform would be a train that would whisk me northbound to New York City, where I could have fun and go to the theater and not go to work. And in that moment, I almost crossed the platform.

This is, this really happened. And I almost forced myself into this kind of break with my own daily reality. And in that moment, I knew I had to make a change because my entire physical being. Was yearning to be somewhere else, which meant I wanted to be doing something else. Mm-hmm . And I realized I had to take it seriously.

I had to listen to that voice. And so, you know, I can certainly say more about it, but let me just say that it took several [00:04:00] years for me to make the kind of changes that I needed to, and I think people often fear to make these kinds of pivots because they think they have to make one gigantic leap and disrupt everything.

And you don't, you can take it in steps and that's what I did. but I really needed to do that to get to the point where I could be writing full time and creating and having conversations with people like you and and doing all kinds of different adventurous creative things. 

Sam Horton: Sure, so It's more like a slow burn, right?

So instead of, being one big thing that sort of put you on this new path, would you say it was more of a slow burning desire or almost like a, for me it was like a whisper or a niggle that you just couldn't ignore anymore. Was that how you felt? 

Amy L Bernstein: Yes, it was definitely the whisper and the burning.

It's all, it's all happening, right? Yes. I, I had been thinking this way for a long time and didn't see a way. to make changes. My income was important to our, to our family. and I didn't, I was, I was always such a [00:05:00] very practical person that everything I thought of seemed very impractical. So, I did start taking really small steps.

I found a guy, this is easily now, I want to say, Probably close to 15 years ago. I found a guy who had set up a company that let you hook up with somebody who was in a field that you were really curious to explore and you'd go spend like a, a weekend or a week with them and immerse yourself in what that life was like and see if it was right for you.

So, for example, if you were really interested, you think, I just want to open a bakery and this is what I want to do. And I'm going to bake bread. You could go. He would help you find that, and you would go immerse yourself in this. What I did is, I went and hung out with a pretty successful New York theater director who was doing an out of town tryout for a major musical, written by Dolly Parton, and I got to spend, like, the days with him in his, steeped in his [00:06:00] process.

So, There's this idea of trying something on and seeing how does it sit with me? Am I getting excited? Am I getting bored? Is it not what I thought, is how does it make me feel? And what an amazing opportunity that was. Unfortunately, this guy's company is not around anymore to do this for people, but what an amazing opportunity that was to take like a small step and go out of my, my comfort zone and my routine.

And begin to try something else on. And that's the example of a small step that you can take. and for me that was kind of a starting point. And then I, I took a, course in, how to write plays. And that was something I could just do on the weekends. And so I started taking these small steps and realizing, yep, I am on the right path.

I need to keep moving down this path. And I'll just figure this out as I go until I can get to a point where I can make more of a transition. 

Sam Horton: Even if you are going slow at it though, there is sort of, this concept of, the vulnerability and the bravery in embracing the [00:07:00] unknown, because you, you don't necessarily know what it's going to turn into, right?

So can you tell us a bit about your experience with, you know, embracing the unknown and really kind of following your heart? 

Amy L Bernstein: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm really glad you bring that up because it isn't just about embracing the unknown. It's about reengaging with risks, which, which is, you know, part of what facing the unknown is about.

And I think certainly for me, and I think for many people, what happens is if you reach a point, you reach a point of emotional sustained, emotional pain and discomfort in your own life where you can't ignore it anymore. You know, it's like a little, you have a little tiny headache. You think, Oh, it'll go away.

And you know, three hours later, it's a migraine and you have to do something and you have to treat it. And so when you're living with that, let's just call it this emotional migraine, which is a constant presence for months or even years at a time. Suddenly you're going to look at risks and rewards a bit differently.

And suddenly a leap into some kind of unknown or taking a [00:08:00] risk or facing the unknown begins to feel like a more reasonable form of, of self care. Then doing nothing. And so I think your perspective can shift little by little. You have to allow it to, 

if 

you give yourself permission for that. But it's, it's not comfortable.

But for many of us, it becomes necessary. And then you do the uncomfortable thing because you just can't, you can't maintain the status quo. 

Sam Horton: You almost don't have a choice, right? So it becomes something where you don't have a choice anymore. And it's going to be more uncomfortable to ignore it than it is to, you know, step into whatever it is that's in front of you.

you know, whatever headache, whatever headaches going on for you. 

Amy L Bernstein: That's really true. That is really true. And I do think that it does start with giving yourself permission, making sure that you surround yourself with allies. who are really going to support and encourage your need to [00:09:00] change. Change is very threatening and sometimes even people who love us feel very put off by your desire to make a change in your life and it's important to find people who will support you on that journey and not just question you or ask you to stop, which, which does happen and then taking, taking small steps and embracing risk.

I think these are some of the really key elements that we have to be, aware of when we make these changes to lead a more creative life, however we define that. 

Sam Horton: And there is, you know, definitely a discomfort and a fear of judgment potentially that goes alongside that. And I think the more you flex that muscle, the easier it becomes to embrace that, right?

Yes. So yeah, absolutely 

Amy L Bernstein: true. 

Sam Horton: So obviously, as we're kind of embracing this more creative way of living, and embracing kind of what's really burning inside, inside us, you know, that's, that's really about us becoming the creator of, you know, our life, you know, and creating a big vision for [00:10:00] our future that maybe feels, Quite scary, and, and big, and we're not sure how we're going to get there.

Obviously that's a lot. So, you know, what do the things are that really hold people back from kind of embracing that exciting kind of big vision for their life and being the creator of their life? 

Amy L Bernstein: Yeah, I like that question. I've been running a series of creativity workshops with artists to help them really embrace and kind of manifest the kind of creative life that they Want to step into and might be kind of tiptoeing around and I think you and I already have already touched on this.

There's no question that what holds us back Is fear because we we know what we know and we don't know what we don't know And so fear can be broken down into things like feeling vulnerable being vulnerable taking risks, especially creative risks, risking failure, and, and not knowing what, even what kind of outcome we may not even be able to articulate an outcome to ourselves.

We want to feel different. We want to be doing something different. We [00:11:00] want to be surrounding ourselves with different kinds of activities and, and sort of daily as we want to shift things in our daily life. And so it, there's no question that. It's this sort of fear and these big waves of self doubt about whether we can even make those changes.

How do we make those changes? And I do always, uh, tell people and I tell artists all the time that, and again, we've touched on it, start small, because if you feel like you need to do the really, really big thing and burn all your bridges, so to speak, you know, quit your job with, you know, you don't know where your income's going to come from, move away, give up your apartment, I mean, big, big things.

then you're likely not to do any of those things. But if you start small by, starting to make notes to yourself, keep a journal, about, or create a vision board. Ideas that come to you about what if. Go ahead and start thinking what if. Start dreaming. Start visioning. Start looking online for [00:12:00] things that you could imagine yourself doing in the future.

You're not taking any risks yet. You're kind of trying things on. So I do think that starting small and sort of starting with a mind, a shift of mindset, one step at a time is a great way to just begin to tiptoe up to what change is going to look like instead of leaving all at once. 

Sam Horton: Yeah, it's a curiosity.

And I think also it's about setting an intention, right? So setting an intention for, you know, the possibility, you know, of what your life could possibly be rather than, you know, settling for your current reality. 

Amy L Bernstein: Exactly. And I think that's what the sort of the what if scenarios and the vision, vision boards can do for people, you know, some people are more inclined to draw, you can sit and draw what, you know, where do you really see yourself being where you're not sort of create images.

But these things become, these things become powerful because we have to begin to make something, we have to make change feel real to us, [00:13:00] and not just scary. So, to make it begin to feel real, we have to do things like this, to begin with journaling, to begin with visioning, drawing, watching things that give you a particular sense of incredible excitement, like that's, that's, I want to go in that direction, you know, watching somebody on stage or, you know, Visiting that bakery and feeling like that's what you want to do.

I mean, whatever it might be,being able to, to immerse yourself before you take the risk of immersing yourself as a way of giving yourself permission to begin to think about this being, being real. And I think that it's all part of setting intention, as you say. 

Sam Horton: Yeah. So obviously you work with, you know, artists and people that identify as creative.

but do you think everyone has an artist within them? Do you think it's, you know, it's something that everyone, can really find and just go on their own journey and discover? 

Amy L Bernstein: I do absolutely believe that human beings are born as creative beings. And creativity takes so many [00:14:00] forms. I mean, people who are entrepreneurs who start companies are incredibly creative.

So it takes many, many, many forms. And it's not just what you and I might think of as fine arts or dramatic arts or, you know, writing. There's so many different ways of being really creative. And, you know, I've been thinking lately about the fact that when we're kids, We're often unconsciously very creative and very in touch with our creative side.

We pick up crayons to color. We make up games with friends. We make up games with toys. We create scenarios, you know, out of thin air. And so we're born to play and create, and we do that a lot as children if we're given the opportunity and the space to do that. And then we just leave it behind, most of us.

We just leave it behind. Yeah. And I, I, when we, and I had a really amazing moment when I started writing plays and getting involved with, with, other playwrights and having some work sort of read and performed, getting excited about that. I suddenly remembered that I'd been what we call in the States a drama [00:15:00] kid.

I suddenly remembered that I had I had immersed myself in drama through summer camps and through, uh, drama programs, after school programs throughout, throughout the year. And I'd kind of forgotten that I had done all that. And it meant a lot to me at the time. And here was my adult self coming back and rediscovering this and forgetting that I'd had that connection all along.

So, as adults, we do not give ourselves enough permission and our culture does not give us the room and the permission to play and to create and to mess around because I always say that creativity is not necessarily an outcome oriented endeavor. You don't have to know what you're going to make or where it's going to go.

You don't have to sell it. You don't have to, you know, it doesn't have to be a polished thing. It's about the act of, of creating and imagining that matters. Yeah. 

Sam Horton: Yeah. Yeah. leaning into the process. I mean, I completely agree with everything you just said. I think that we are conditioned to, well, it's almost beaten out of us, right?

We're [00:16:00] conditioned to, put higher value on, you know, productivity and efficiency and all this kind of very masculine doing action. taking energy, when really in reality, we need to balance that with some more feminine creative energy as well. And both have a place, you know, if we can find balance between those two things, I think we're going to live a much more rich life and really thrive.

Would you agree with that? 

Amy L Bernstein: I totally agree with that. I wish we could get our culture to cooperate and allow us to do that more as well. You know, in the United States, there's been this long trend of, Completely cutting out of the school curriculum, arts education and music and, and, and other arts. It's just vanished.

It's vanishing and vanished. And so kids aren't even getting exposed to these things and aren't even getting to try, unless they have families with the resources and the time to enroll them in something outside of school, but We really need to change our culture so that being creative is, is, [00:17:00] is as valuable as being able to manage your time efficiently or master a spreadsheet or get to your, get to your job on time and do a good job.

I mean, Making art, it should be just as important, it should be of value just as much. 

Sam Horton: Agreed. So, even if you are willing to start that love affair with art, then, you know, claiming the artist title, I mean, you touched on this in the beginning, you know, you struggled to call yourself a writer, right? So it's not an easy road to claim that, artist title, whatever that is for you.

you know, why do people struggle with that so much? You know, what is it, I mean, yeah, what is it that holds us back from really owning that? 

Amy L Bernstein: Yeah, I think there's a couple forces at play, and I, one of them is what social media and celebrity culture have done to what we think of as culture and art in the first place.

We see people. in a very, in very performative roles. They're, they're wealthy, they're successful in ways that [00:18:00] are totally outside our own lived experience. You know, they're up on stages in front of tens of thousands of people. You could sort of call it the Taylor Swift problem in a way. It's this notion that, Oh, well, that's, that's what an artist looks like.

That's what a musician looks like. And even if you know in your heart, Well, no, I can sit here and strum my guitar and, you know, make music. I don't have to be at that level. Part of you feels like, well, that's, that's how that label is meant to be applied to those people. So I think some of it is this sort of outsized examples that were being shown all the time.

I think that's part of why it's hard to make this claim. I think the other part is what we're already talking about. We, we want to align with ourselves with the things that our culture values highly so that we're considered successful and that does not include or rarely includes, a role in the arts or a title associated with being an artist.

You know, there's always the stereotype about the artist being a daydreamer or [00:19:00] impractical or, you know, they can't. They can't earn a living. They can't keep body and soul together. These are very negative connotations instead of all the marvelous things associated with being an artist, which is intense creativity, making something out of nothing, bringing something new into the world, bringing joy to people from what they have made, whether it's music or art or anything.

And so I think that it's really hard to, take these labels that come weighted with so much. And, and, you know, a lot of negativity on the one hand, and on the other hand, seeing these people doing these things, it's some ridiculously. big, oversized level and not relating to that. So I think this is all, I think this is all part of it.

And the lack of education to take, get the core skills. I mean, you know, many more kids are learning how to, how to code computers, which is great, but you know, are they learning how to, you know, wheel the paintbrush? I don't think so. 

Sam Horton: And I think we do have a real [00:20:00] fear of being a beginner at something, you know, especially as an adult, right?

So this is part of it too. So true. Yeah. But I mean Oh gosh, yes. Yeah. So, I mean, there is a lot of pressure and like, you've already explained it with the Taylor Swift example, but it's like almost a glamorization of you know, that in order to be a true artist, you've got to monetize it and you've got to like, you know, be so slick and so polished, you know, and I'm thinking sort of, you know, in the old school Instagram feeds, you know, where you don't get to see kind of the messy middle.

you know, do you think that this sort of glamorization has gotten out of hand? 

Amy L Bernstein: I absolutely do. And I can say that in the, in the book writing community, it's, it's caused a lot of angst and paralysis among a lot of people because, aspiring authors or new authors or self published authors, they'll go on TikTok and they'll see some, they'll see some example of some author.

Who's now sold, you know, half a million books because [00:21:00] she, she, she's a TikTok influencer and somehow people followed her and bought her book or some other influencer has suddenly picked up that other author's book and made a big deal out of it. And you, and you think what's wrong with me? Why, how come I'm not being celebrated like that?

How come I can't find people to believe in me? This is, this is terrible. It's terrible for your psyche. It's not reality. It's a, it's a sort of a blip. It's a strange thing. These are one off moments. The vast majority of people who are writing books don't sell a lot of books. And you know, it's, it, there's like a little bit of a lottery situation to it, right?

You buy that ticket and you're one of 10 million people, 50 million people who bought a ticket. Your chances of winning are kind of slim to none. So don't think about it. And it's that, it's that same phenomenon. And I think it's. It's, it's created so much distortion around what success in the arts looks like.

Honestly, finishing your project to your own satisfaction, whether that's your painting, [00:22:00] whether it's your quilt, whether it's your novel, that's Brilliant. That's great. That is success. Success doesn't just mean monetizing and selling. And again, that's that culture pressure, which is, that's what people value.

You know, how many people go, how many artists go home at the holidays? It's like, well, you know, have you sold anything yet? It's like, you didn't. And you know, or, you know, when's your book coming out or where can I buy it? Or has anybody bought it? Or, you know, you're going to get that, are you going to be in a gallery or where, you know, where am I going to see your art?

This notion of. We, we only, success only matters if it's in that sort of fits that narrow. And that's the, that's the worst thing for an artist to hear. It just is. It's, it's very, it's very draining and very discouraging because it disconnects us from the passion and the reason that we create in the first place.

And that's where you have to get back to. It comes from deep inside us. It's something you feel the need to do. It brings you joy and therefore you should do it no matter what anyone else says. Yeah. 

Sam Horton: Well, that's it. I mean, I think probably, you know, the [00:23:00] true definition of an artist is someone who is really embracing, you know, who they uniquely are at their core, right?

And, and willing to play and express that, you know, and, and it's, you know, that's the true, true definition, I believe. But we've, we've kind of bought into, you know, all the things you've said, you know, about, you know, it's gotta mean something. It's got to be of value financially, you know, all these things.

So it's, yeah, it's definitely gotten out of hand. So where do you believe creativity and art sit in the balance of life then? You know, how do we balance it? 

Amy L Bernstein: Well, I certainly wish we could all find a way to, integrate these things better. And I think that every adult who finds themself often at some, often at some midpoint in life, often in the 40s and the 50s, who finds themselves feeling somehow Dissatisfied with where they are in life.

I think people [00:24:00] often misinterpret that on their own behalf. They think, well, I haven't advanced enough in my career. I don't have a good enough title or position. I don't have enough power. I don't have enough money. When I think often, very often, the problem is. I've lost touch with my creativity and the joy that that brings.

And so I think that if we could only become more mindful of this, and as we discussed earlier, find ways to try to connect or reconnect to that. listen, I, I wish more adults would. Go buy a big box of crayons and a piece piece of construction paper and just come home at night and maybe you still want to pour that, that shot of bourbon or that glass of wine, but then sit down and just take the crayons out and draw.

I think it's, it's astonishing. what happens when we connect ourselves back to the act of making something that's got no practical application. And it's a very powerful thing to do. And, so I don't know that I, I mean, I don't, I don't think there are, there are hard and fast answers, [00:25:00] but I do think it's worth us being a lot more consciously aware that this is in us and that we, we should pay attention to it.

it's not always about earning more money. It really isn't. It's really about finding ways to fulfill your creative soul. 

Sam Horton: Yeah, beautiful. it's really, giving ourselves permission to, you know, allow that part of ourselves to sort of come out. Do you know what I mean?

and not worrying about creating something beautiful necessarily. Like you said, I love the idea with the crayons, I think. I mean, people often, you know, in the work that I do, they get a huge aha moment around the simplicity. You know, it's this simplicity of expressing yourself, without necessarily using words, you know, and, playing like they were a kid, you know, it's liberating.

Amy L Bernstein: It's very liberating. And there's another component to that, which I've talked about with a lot of people as well, which is de linking creativity from productivity or redefining productivity because again, we are so [00:26:00] accustomed to, if you're going to sit down with that crayons and that piece of paper.

Well, what am I going to draw? I have to know what I'm going to draw. What's it going to be? What's it going to look like? And then you make it and it doesn't look like it. And you're like, Oh, I can't do this. There's nothing about that. That's necessary to enjoying the experience. You don't need to know what you're going to draw.

Let's just stick with drawing as an apt metaphor. You don't need to know what you're going to draw. You don't need to know what it's going to look like. And you don't have to finish it in any Clearly defined sense of the word, it's the, as you said earlier, it's the process, it's the act itself. It's the act of creating that is the creativity coming out.

And we need to stop thinking about, I talked to so many authors who, you know, they get upset if they don't meet their word count for the day, they haven't written enough words or they're not, they're quote unquote behind on their chapters outside of, you know, pressure from a publisher or an editor or something.

That's just not. That's not necessary to, to [00:27:00] the creative act. So we have to decouple this from our notions of productivity because we can just spoil it for ourselves. 

Sam Horton: Yeah. There's an incubation period, right? Sometimes you might write less words because you're actually just incubating your ideas and processing them.

It's, it's not all about output. 

Amy L Bernstein: Absolutely. Absolutely. 

Sam Horton: So then reflecting back on your own journey, you know, How important has your creative journey been, you know, in terms of empowering yourself and your own sort of transformation story as you've kind of moved through life, you know, tell us a bit about, you know, the transformation aspect of creativity.

Amy L Bernstein: I think it's been for me quite incredible. And I can't, I can't separate whether that was simply partly an act of growing older. I'm in my 60s. And Very often by the time you get to be this age you begin to have sort of a confidence and acceptance about who you are, you're more comfortable moving through the world, and you also get to that stage where you kind of don't give an [00:28:00] F what somebody else thinks.

necessarily, because you're, you're just you and you're going to do, you're going to do you and you're confident about, about that. So I think some of it is simply getting older, but I have to say that I also think that, when I look back at what I've done in the last 10 years, you know, I've written, I don't know, how many books have I written?

I've written like six books now, you know, not every one of them has been published, but I've written them, hundreds of essays. And, Dozens of poems, many of which have been published, and many, and several plays. And so when I start looking at my creative output as a writer, I I feel very transformed because I really took hold of my creative identity and said to myself, I'm going to do this.

I need to do this. I've needed to do this my whole life. Uh, I, I'm going to do this now because if not now, when, which became, you know, also a question as you get a bit older, if not now, when, what are you waiting for? and [00:29:00] I think that, uh, it has shown me. From a lot of things I've done. I teach a lot of writing courses.

I, I, I talk at writers conferences. It has shown me that if you are willing to embrace some risk, if you're willing to be a beginner again with your craft, which you mentioned earlier, which is important, and if you're willing to sort of Take that leap of faith and invest in yourself is what it really is.

If you're willing to do that, the dividends are enormous. It's enormous. That doesn't mean it's easy. That doesn't mean it's not scary. That doesn't mean I haven't had failures along the way. I've had many on balance. I just couldn't trade it for anything in the world. 

Sam Horton: Wonderful. It's the internal reward versus the external reward.

Would you agree with that? Yes. Yes. So in terms of then sort of everyday life, you know, what does your, your personal self care or your, you know, your [00:30:00] own routine look like in terms of really nourishing yourself, you know, as part of this creative lifestyle? 

Amy L Bernstein: That's a great question. And I think for me, there's some creative tension going on with that right now.

I have committed myself to so many different things. And, uh, I'm a book coach. So I have a number of clients I work with to help them develop their own books and find their own best path to publishing. And that's deep work that I love doing, but it's, it's quite a commitment. and I'm, uh, I'm, I'm writing quite a bit on, on Substack every week and, and other things that I'm involved in.

Teaching quite a number of courses and running workshops. And so, I'm quite committed, probably on the verge of being overextended. And I look at that in two different ways. I, I can sit back and go, huh, if I had seen myself 10 years ago or 20 years ago, I would have been, if I could have seen myself now, I would have been astonished that I made all this happen myself.

Nobody did this for me. That I made these things happen. I, [00:31:00] I re invented myself and I made all this stuff happen. And I'm not special. I just believed in it and I needed to do it. And, So on the one hand, that's something to celebrate and I do celebrate that. On the other hand, you know, you, you do have to watch for, uh, you know, eating a bit too much cake sometimes and, and be careful and set, set some boundaries and you do have to learn to say no.

So when it comes to self care, I find that I definitely, Need to take time to myself to literally sit and look out the window, which I really do do I have a nice view out my window. I Listen, I consume, you know TV movies, which I love to do because it helps to rest my brain And I talk a lot with others in my creative I talk with a lot of other writers.

I feel very supported. That's so important to have people who support and encourage you in your own work. So this is a, this is a [00:32:00] constant balance and it depends on kind of how you, how you look out at it on any given day, but it's something that has to, I have to work out is the self care piece. 

Sam Horton: Yeah, sure.

Sure. But it's, you know, it comes back again to, you know, that inner inquiry in terms of what do I need right now? right. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And one of the things that I'm finding, a lot is that, doing more doesn't necessarily mean achieving more. Right. So it's that, that shift in perspective as well.

So, you know, if you can sort of recognize, actually, I'm, I'm overdoing right now, I need to sort of take a step back and go and watch TV or, you know, take a break. it really does have a profound impact on the rest of your day. Would you agree with that? 

Amy L Bernstein: I do, and I've started to force myself to take some breaks because, a lot of the work that I do is, is quite intense.

Writing is an intense experience,uh, preparing, uh, materials to teach a course is a, is a pretty, can be a pretty heavy lift. Uh, working with my clients, my, my coaching clients, it's a joy, but it's, it, there's a lot of work and commitment [00:33:00] involved there because I'm supporting authors both emotionally and professionally.

intellectually. So I do need breaks and I've begun to take them, including in the middle of the day, if I just need to pull away for, for a few moments, give, I think resting the brain is a, is a useful thing. And it keeps, helps you from burning, from burning out too. 

Sam Horton: Yeah. And you've kind of got to train yourself, haven't you, to, to capture those moments, you know?

cause it's very easy to have your blinkers on, but if you can start to train yourself to recognize when actually I do need to take a break now, it really does help. So for all the women out there who want to step into their power as the creator of their life, what powerful questions would you have them ask themselves today?

Amy L Bernstein: I would definitely ask them to ask themselves.

Can they give themselves permission to begin thinking about change [00:34:00] and risk and growth in a new direction?because giving yourself permission is such a critical starting point. Am I in a place to allow myself to begin to dream about these things before I sort of actualize them? I think that's a really important place to start.

I think it's also important to ask yourself, what do I want to run toward, not away from? And you don't have to have a super clear answer for that. You don't have to know, Oh, well, I'm going to, go become, a certified, art therapy teacher. And I'm going to work with children is like, you don't have to know to that degree of specificity, but you really have to interrogate yourself as to what you want to run toward in some way that's different from where you are now, because that's what's going to make the change.

I think it really starts with those, those two key things. 

Sam Horton: Yeah. Powerful. So how can people get to know you better, Amy, and get a real feel for the work that you're doing? [00:35:00] 

Amy L Bernstein: One very easy place to start is just my main website because they can learn about my books, they can learn about Wrangling the Doubt Monster, they can learn about, my book coaching and the, uh, creativity workshops that I'm running.

And that's just amywrites. live is, is the, is the address for that, uh, W R I T E S, amywrights. live. And I love to have folks come, come visit the site and, uh, drop me a line if they want to. 

Sam Horton: Excellent. Thank you so much for coming and chatting to me today, Amy. I really enjoyed our conversation. Thank you so much.

Amy L Bernstein: I did too, Samantha. Thank you for having me.